Dear Diary,
Yesterday felt much like this.
Today felt more like this.
Nixon has been...how do you put this... a little needy. Although, I am loving the constant cuddles... it has been paired with a constant whiny cry and I have pretty much attended to him the entire day. Therefore, leaving me with hardly any time to do things like...eh hem... shower. Don't judge. Today was one of those not-so-easy mommy days...you know the day that you take a lot of deep breaths and pray for patience that you can endure another hour of constant crying without breaking down and crying yourself. Yah one of those.
***But worse. I did cry. In fact, I not only cried but I dramatically whaled out so loudly that Nixon's cry came to a screeching halt and his eyes grew large with shock... pretty much a dear in head lights. Feeling rather sheepish and so terribly exhausted- I slid myself down against the wall with my head in my hands... and sobbed...and sobbed...and sobbed. Not just any little sob...a full blown ugly cry. You know the kind- the mascara mess kind. (that is if I would have had time to put some on!)
Just then, as I was about to brush myself off and pull myself together, I felt a little hand on my leg. I wiped my tears enough to see a little one-year-old staring back at me. He gazed into my eyes and whispered a little gibber jabber as though he was trying to distract me. The same distracting whisper I give him when I try to get his mind off of something. Then grabbing my face he pressed his forehead against mine until our noses squished together. I scooped him up and kissed him so tightly. "Mommies are crazy. And sometimes, they make silly mistakes Nix. I am sorry..." I began to confess to him...he gibber jabbered something back- something along the lines of "Guapo, ball, hat, Guapo..." you know- his classic words- and I knew he forgave me.
Funny part is that we had a wonderful day from that point on. Kids are so forgiving aren't they?- They sometimes see us at our worst and still love us anyway and can move on as though nothing happened. There is so much to learn from these little munchkins.
Today ranks up there as one of the hardest mommy days I have ever had.
But despite the difficulties today brought- I wouldn't trade it for anything. because I had another day with my baby boy all to myself. (*Note*- Nixon is sound asleep for the night...the tone of this post may have sounded different a few hours prior)
Some of you may know that my pregnancy with Nixon was considered "high risk" and there were a lot of unknowns and concerns with whether he was going to make it or not.
It was then, that I bargained with my Heavenly Father... promising him that I would never let a day go by where I took being a mother for granted if he would only allow my baby to come down safely to me... never...even on days like today.
So, to help me remember- I have a framed photo of him in the NICU with his little eye goggles hanging on the corner of the frame. (*NOTE*-I strategically placed it right by the place I change his diaper...those can be some of our hardest moments) It reminds me of the blessing and miracle he is to me in my life...and not to take one day for granted..even on a day like today.
I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be amazing!
With gratitude, Besitos.
*Note*- if you want to see more photos of our bath time fun you can go to my photo blog here and check them out.
2 comments:
I wish every child born to a mother in this crazy world had a mommy lilke you. Keep up the good work. Motherhood is the most important work you do in this life. What a blessing for Nixon.
Oh Cristi - I can so relate to this post. Being a mother is the most wondrous and at times agonizing role that I have ever experienced. And, it's impossible to be a perfect mother. Wish that it was so, but then what message would we send to our children? I think you gave Nixon a gift with your tears, and he was able to give you the gift of comforting you.
Post a Comment